The Return
It's been quite a long time since I've come back to this place to type out how I feel and stuff. Actually it's been very very long. A few years perhaps? The last post was probably back in Secondary School before I went into ITE. I do not know why I have decided to come back. I probably just want to feel better typing, or I'm just really bored. I might have a physical diary but it's good to have best of both worlds right? It's been loads of crap since I last posted here, like literal crap. I have kept this in me for very very long. The constant nightmare haunting me in the form of guilt.
1. The Beginning 👹
Many things have happened ever since. For starters, I've gotten very good grades for my Secondary School. So hurray for me. I had two choices to either go to NA or ITE, but I chose the latter after very careful considerations between both options. I have landed myself in Business Services in ITE College West for two years during the year 2014. During the time at Nitec, my studies was not so much affected until certain issues happened. I got together with someone for a year and a half (I promised myself not to ever mention it again but this is for the sake of what I am going to tell). My grades was a little affected as I spent more time on the girl than on my studies.
As time go on being with her, she became more aggressive, she was not who I thought she was. My life in a peril because of her constant cling to me, losing my friends and nearly my relationship with my family as well. After a year and a half, we broke up in an extreme manner due to the number of people involved in the incident. After the break up, my life got better. Good grades and the relationship between me and my friends and family instantly got better. My grades got so much better that I've received the Director's List two times. However throughout a few months, I was stuck in an issue where two friends were pitting at each other. Now, it was not as simple as it sounded. It was rather hard to keep up with their intentions for each other. One day they could hate each other and another day, they could be best of friends. This problem got by after a while. As months passed, I've had the opportunity to go to Service Management in Higher Nitec Year 2. A direct progression in which I did manage to go with my good friends R and S. A unfortunately unable to progress directly to year 2 with us due to her grades. Also, I lost a friend as she suddenly turned on me and blamed me for things which I did not do. An argument ensued with her sending me a screenshot of who sabotaged me.
2. Higher Nitec Horrors 💀
My problems did not stop there however as I thought. Life was good at the beginning of the year during Higher Nitec. Getting to know slightly more friends and new people, those who were "neighbors" to us during our year in Nitec. S's good friend as well. I happened to end up liking her. Although the confession did not go well, we still remained good friends. That was when a psychopathic figure came about her life and for quite some time already even before we met. I've helped her in the issue with some of my friends. However though, things did not go very well for me in the long run. As the issue itself was stopped, I became the accused, descending from a friend to an enemy in their eyes. I did not initially know about it until I was told about it. My world in crumble. I felt alone. I did not know what to do.
I kept asking myself "What did I do to deserve such a treatment"? They did this behind my back. I became hated. It was not just from this matter itself but my everyday life. R scolding me everyday front and behind my back while needing my help to print assignments like most of the people from QP. Her with J insulting me in the forms of harmless jokes. There were more that happened behind my back. Even during my internship, most of them only called me once in a while just to ask me for help, nothing else. And it's back to hating on me. All this got so bad to the point where it caused me to hate my ITE life a lot especially the people there. There was only a handful of people I could trust. I cried myself to sleep everyday in hope I could get a better life. Do I have depression because of what I experienced? They hated me for no reason and pretended in front of me. Bobo Clan... nearly everyone of them was secretly against me with J spreading hate on me among people. I do not know of their true intentions. They are nice to me one day and hate me the other. Could life get any worse?
I can never know who is telling the truth... and I have to be the middle man to most of their problems as well. There were outings were I was mentioned as topics of hate for the day which I did not know of as well. Such as the "sabbath" I was repeatedly being harassed about. I might know of that day. I might not know the complete truth. J was involved and I was insulted that night out of nowhere. I've been told that's probably what she really thinks of me. And to the one who knows the truth, wishes for me not to know the truth. I did not acquire as to why but their actions already expose their hidings. The only one I had no actual problem with is S. One of the few reasons is that she understands me and actually willing to listen to what I have to say first compared to the others like R.
Other than just these problems, there were extreme issues in school work as well. There was this day where we had to decide upon our groupings for our projects. I had to choose between two groups and I was enticed to join another one other than R's initial group due to the number of people being allowed into a group. As it was time to decide, R found out and two of the groups actually had to discuss about who goes to which group. E was called as well as she was sick. Finally, the thing came upon me to choose. Both groups pitting me into a choice. I join either, I would still get into trouble either ways. True enough, after I decided to join R's group, W got extremely angry at me to the point where everyone blamed me for the entire thing. Yesh, I got scolded as well. In the end, R had to join W's group as a "sacrifice" making S and J sad. However, I do know that they were a bit upset at me as well which bring me to my point, they all made me think it was my fault. No one else as pointed at but me. I did explain it to S in the end and she came to understand the situation which cheered me up that day with a glimpse of hope that someone still believed in me.
As days go by, I could sense that things got much worse as days were spent with them. I've heard of R talking bad about me more and more, even talking to the friend whom I lost towards the end of my Nitec days. That friend ended up hating on me again because of the things R said about me. I actually reconciled my friendship with that friend once and it turned out okay. Taadaa! It got ruined by R with also a few blames on me towards my Ex's choice of leaving ITE which was unccessary. Problems from them did not stop when I was having my Internship with Maxi-Cash at Northpoint located in Yishun. The only happy thing during my internship was that received birthday presents from S and W. I got my present from T too but it was very belated. After two and a half months, my internship has ended and I waited for my posting results after selecting my various choices of which Polytechnic and courses I wish to go.
I can never know who is telling the truth... and I have to be the middle man to most of their problems as well. There were outings were I was mentioned as topics of hate for the day which I did not know of as well. Such as the "sabbath" I was repeatedly being harassed about. I might know of that day. I might not know the complete truth. J was involved and I was insulted that night out of nowhere. I've been told that's probably what she really thinks of me. And to the one who knows the truth, wishes for me not to know the truth. I did not acquire as to why but their actions already expose their hidings. The only one I had no actual problem with is S. One of the few reasons is that she understands me and actually willing to listen to what I have to say first compared to the others like R.
Other than just these problems, there were extreme issues in school work as well. There was this day where we had to decide upon our groupings for our projects. I had to choose between two groups and I was enticed to join another one other than R's initial group due to the number of people being allowed into a group. As it was time to decide, R found out and two of the groups actually had to discuss about who goes to which group. E was called as well as she was sick. Finally, the thing came upon me to choose. Both groups pitting me into a choice. I join either, I would still get into trouble either ways. True enough, after I decided to join R's group, W got extremely angry at me to the point where everyone blamed me for the entire thing. Yesh, I got scolded as well. In the end, R had to join W's group as a "sacrifice" making S and J sad. However, I do know that they were a bit upset at me as well which bring me to my point, they all made me think it was my fault. No one else as pointed at but me. I did explain it to S in the end and she came to understand the situation which cheered me up that day with a glimpse of hope that someone still believed in me.
As days go by, I could sense that things got much worse as days were spent with them. I've heard of R talking bad about me more and more, even talking to the friend whom I lost towards the end of my Nitec days. That friend ended up hating on me again because of the things R said about me. I actually reconciled my friendship with that friend once and it turned out okay. Taadaa! It got ruined by R with also a few blames on me towards my Ex's choice of leaving ITE which was unccessary. Problems from them did not stop when I was having my Internship with Maxi-Cash at Northpoint located in Yishun. The only happy thing during my internship was that received birthday presents from S and W. I got my present from T too but it was very belated. After two and a half months, my internship has ended and I waited for my posting results after selecting my various choices of which Polytechnic and courses I wish to go.
3. My Sanctuary 😇😄
Thankfully, I went into Ngee Ann Polytechnic afterwards to do Business Studies for three years before I go into NS. As of now, my life feels better and more relaxed. There is no issues but only studies which I can handle. My classmates now are very friendly and engaging. We all get along well very fast. I am much carefree. The most important thing I feel is that I am not treated like a criminal but I'm treated like a person and as a friend. I think lesser now that I am away from my classmates from ITE. I am a happier person now that I am in Ngee Ann Polytechnic and I hope to forget about what has happened to me during the three years in ITE. There might be good times in ITE, but the horrible things over shadowed the good memories till there is nothing good left to remember. As of now, good news is that I am in the same class as S. Hopefully we can pull through the hardships of Polytechnic life. I want get out of Polytechnic with merit. I do hope there is chances I would meet with that special someone.
4. Horror Playbacks 👿
Friday (05/05/17) was the day where I went back to ITE College Wet for my Graduation Ceremony. It was honestly not a very good one due to the same people that gave me issues during my days in ITE. I felt left out at one moment and the way I dressed was also commented upon by W. I felt very attacked. Thankfully during the ceremony, few of my Ngee Ann Poly classmates was also there. Before it started, I was talking to them throughout instead of my ITE classmates as they made me feel included. As for dinner, R invited the psychopath along which made me feel extremely uncomfortable as he had made some comments about the time he saw me and S. I just did not feel comfortable with him being around with us. It was only R that wanted him there. Even N was uncomfortable. One day in ITE with my ITE classmates actually completely ruined my mood again although I did have fun taking pictures with everyone especially seeing some lecturers that thought us before.
 |
| Photo of my class. I think everyone's in. |
4. Horror Playbacks 👿
Friday (05/05/17) was the day where I went back to ITE College Wet for my Graduation Ceremony. It was honestly not a very good one due to the same people that gave me issues during my days in ITE. I felt left out at one moment and the way I dressed was also commented upon by W. I felt very attacked. Thankfully during the ceremony, few of my Ngee Ann Poly classmates was also there. Before it started, I was talking to them throughout instead of my ITE classmates as they made me feel included. As for dinner, R invited the psychopath along which made me feel extremely uncomfortable as he had made some comments about the time he saw me and S. I just did not feel comfortable with him being around with us. It was only R that wanted him there. Even N was uncomfortable. One day in ITE with my ITE classmates actually completely ruined my mood again although I did have fun taking pictures with everyone especially seeing some lecturers that thought us before.
In a Nutshell...ðŸ’
A number of people usually wonder why I am so negative at times and why I am overly sad most of the time. The three years of ITE is the answer. I have never felt a much bigger impact than those three years. The guilt of ever being too nice to them once still lingers in me, their betrayal still corrupts my morals of being a bubbly person and probably why I have decided to type this all out, in hopes of making myself feel better after typing them out. I would update again soon if there is ever a need to. Ciao!
- YKS (No Signature Required)
No comments:
Post a Comment